A year of many changes

This is a transition year for me. I will turn 50 in 7 months which is a major milestone. I have just come out of a 16 yr marriage where I was lied to, cheated on and manipulated in every way possible. I am not writing this for a pity party, I am writing this as a documentation of my journey to recovery and happiness during this phase of my life. I feel the need to be brutally honest with myself here and anyone who reads this. I could write all this in my own personal journal, but I am hoping that perhaps there are others out here who may be able to identify and relate to my situation.

As proof of my out of control life, my weight has skyrocketed to my all time high. I have taken steps to recapture that control and have realized that I can not tackle my weight issues alone. I have sought help with this part, as I have come to learn in my 49 yrs of life, there is nothing wrong in asking for help.

I believe and strongly feel that I am on the cusp of something great and extraordinary. I just feel it in my bones. I am not sure what is about to happen, but I truly believe I am embarking on something spectacular. This path I am currently on will lead me there.

I have spent the last few months obsessing about my failed marriage and what things I could have done differently. I have finally realized that these were things out of my control since I was manipulated and lied to throughout my marriage. I didn't live the lie, he did, I only lived the consequences. Over the course of the last few months, I have checked phone records, bank accounts and credit reports searching for answers that I was wrong about my marriage. Every shred of information I found, only served to reaffirm my suspicions of betrayal and deception. This was extremely sad, however it is serving to help me realize that I am no longer powerless in my journey and that I can now put that relationship behind me and rid myself of all the toxic relationships in my life that were a part of that history. Today marks the beginning of my new journey.