Giving myself what I need

Sometimes in life, it becomes utterly apparent that the word you need to hear from someone in order to move on will never be said. So in lew of having him apologize to me, which will never happen since you have to feel guilt in order to apologize...I will say it myself...

Glenda, I am very sorry for hurting you and for lying to about my affairs. I apologize for allowing you to feel guilty for all that went wrong in our marriage. I apologize deeply that I allowed someone in my life who was capable of posting pic on FB when they knew you could see it and you had to be blindsided not knowing we were together. I apologize for lying to you when you came right out and asked me. In fact, I am sorry for ALL the lies and deceptions you have had to deal with in the 18 years we were together we have known each other. I apologize for being narcissistic and turning all your concerns back on you when you were trying to save our marriage. I hated that I constantly made everything about me and not enough about you. I sincerely apologize for trying to tell you that you were crazy and need to see someone because you thought I was cheating on you, when I was. I apologize to you for asking if you were having a midlife crisis and if you needed a therapist when you told me it was over. I deeply regret having told you that you could never do any better, as I took complete care of you so you didn't have to worry about anything...I gave you money instead of love, so you would be distracted while I had my affairs. I slowly made you completely dependent on me so that you could never leave and I could have the best of both worlds, have you at home and have my affairs on the side. I am sorry I stayed in your life to lie to you more and try to maintain the control I had over you. I wish you happiness and love.

Thank you...I can know take more steps forward!