Sound of silence

So the ex thinks that by not communicating with me I will just go away....sorry, you of all people should know better than that...you arrogant idiot! You really think you don't owe me an explanation or even so much as an I'm sorry? Whatever...just glad you are no longer a part of my life.

This is really my fault because I let him back into my life. Do it once shame on you, two, three and more, it is shame on me. I should have known better than to ever let a liar and deceiver back into my life. Nothing will ever change. Once a liar, always a liar. Again I am left to have to look at myself and see where I am defunct to continue or feel the need to have these emotionally abusive people in my life.

I am working so hard at trying not to be angry and as you can obviously see from my posts here, it is not working...one would think that after 18 yrs of knowing someone, I would be worth at least an I am sorry from them. But no, not from him...he thinks is above any responsibility of having to answer to anyone. He does what he wants without any explanation or feelings what so ever, regardless of who he hurts along the way. Funny thing, all this anger from me could have been avoided if he would have had the balls to tell me himself. Too much of a coward...and the one thing I despise more than anything in this world, is being lied to.

And a message to the ho...don't get too comfortable playing housewife in my house...you are only the most recent flavor of the month...and your taunting me with your stupid, classless messages on FB, well enjoy...only shows what a skank you really are. Enjoy your time thee knowing that everything in that house was mine and I chose it, I designed it and I picked it out. Enjoy living in my surrounding and taking in all my things...my spirit will always be there everytime you look and touch something, know that it was mine. And know that everytime you are in my bed, that I was in that same one first...think you are living the high life...think again...and the deck furniture you so enjoy my view from, and pose with your roses on, know that I picked it out. Know that everytime you call my cat lamusa, that she is MY cat...I was the one that saved her, brought her kittens into this world and she was MY muse for many of my paintings that still remain in the house. She will never be your cat. Just know, you may be able to disguise a skank by putting her in different surrounding, but you will always be a skank...displayed by your your classless flaunting of posing yourself with my belongings and posting them all over FB. You may think ou are funny with your little messages, got news for you...karma will come back to you, threefold! So enjoy yourself...

My ten things I am grateful for today:

1. Knowing my ghost and spirit remains in a place where everytime someone looks at something it will serve as a reminder that to her that I was there first.

2. I am grateful that I do not have to continue living a lie with a man who is so dysfunctional and emotionally abusive and only thinks of himself and pleasuring himself, regardless of who he hurts.

3. Glad that I am cleansing myself from all his scars and emotional baggage he imprinted on me for so long.

4. Grateful that I no longer have to wonder where my husband is at night or who he is with. And that I no longer have to hear the lies and be made to feel I was the one who was imagining things, or being told I was crazy after finding love letters from a 25 yr old.

5. Thankful I no longer have to endure the slow manipulation of not being allowed to be myself.

6. Grateful that I can now raise my voice when I am angry without having someone put me down and forcing me to suppress my anger to the point where I shoved food in my mouth to stifle all the hurt I was feeling. T the point where I gained 85 lbs. that was 85 lbs of bullshit I had to swallow.

7. Thankful I am freeing myself of the ties that keep me attached to such an unhappy life.

8. Grateful that I can call you a fucking bastard without being slapped.

9. Thankful I don't have endure the flirting you did with all the women around you any longer and being told all my gut instincts were wrong. Since being away from you, I have learned to trust my gut again, and have been right on every occasion.

10. Thankful that I now see you for who you really are. You can dress up a wolf in sheeps clothing, give him money, but at the end of the day, a wolf is still a wolf.